Back to the Start
by DreamSpice
Summary: Emma and Killian wake to find themselves back at the beanstalk. Their memories of the future are intact, but that future must be changed to prevent a terrible loss and destruction. But will the end justify the means? AU Captain Swan. Major spoilers for seasons 2 through 5 – read at your own risk.
1. An Open Book

_There are many events over the seasons that have led Emma and her family (character development included) to where they are now. This story was not created in disagreement to those events, but rather I wanted to explore how the past could look like if the developments had already happened. There are a lot of spoilers, so be aware of that. Also **warning** that there's character death - the point of the story is to go back to prevent it, but the issue is still a primary focus._

* * *

 **Chapter One: An Open Book**

In hindsight (for foresight, given the odd circumstances), Emma really should have expected something like this to happen. One week before her wedding, and Fate decided to up the stakes by reversing her entire happy ending.

Emma held tightly to the vine in her hand, fighting the urge to hug the beanstalk – she'd almost woken by falling a very long distance to her death. Killian succumbed to that urge, but he had a hook for a hand so his grip had been less secure than hers even the first time they'd been there.

In her other hand was a letter; the most important piece of paper she'll ever read. Emma held it tightly, knowing it was too risky to open it while positioned somewhere between sky and ground.

She'd opened her eyes to the horror of their new reality, but nothing compared to the ripping grief and pain that pierced Emma so deep she felt it in her soul. Her son was dead. Henry, just short of his fifteenth birthday, had died in her arms and still used every last breath he had to be a hero. He was the author – that's what got him killed, and it was also what was going to save him.

Henry's sacrifice would save them all.

'Well, you never forget your first,' Killian finally spoke, looking up the tangled limb of the beanstalk.

Emma did as well, relieved they didn't have much further to go because her entire body already ached with exhaustion. The shock subsided and reason returned, as Emma considered their next move.

This was the day they first met. She and Killian were back in the Enchanted Forest, long before it had been reduced to ash and blood. Or would be – the tenses were confusing now. Henry's plan wasn't a complete surprise, but it had been the absolute last resort for when hope itself was finally snuffed out of existence. Clinging to the vines of a beanstalk, with a giant's castle above and compass to be obtained, was not the appropriate moment to dwell on what was years away from happening.

They had a job to do.

'Swan?' Killian watched her. 'You all right?'

His words of her being an open book came to mind. Emma smiled and nodded. She grabbed another vine and hoisted herself higher; they needed to get to the top and read the letter.

'Ugh, was it always like this?' Emma grunted, dropping onto solid ground with relief.

'Aye.' Killian fell beside her.

The letter was badly crumpled from her climb, as she'd needed both her hands and refused to let it go. Shaking, Emma unfolded the piece of paper torn from an empty storybook. That's where they were now; on the blank page of a new story about to unfold.

'Henry...' Emma choked back sobs at the first three words written on the paper. He'd prepared the letter beforehand, just in case, but it surfaced memories of them talking about the wedding and Killian's place in their life. Henry never got the chance to tell the man himself.

'Emma?' Killian's hand touched her shoulder. He glanced at the page and released a staggered breath against her hair. He enveloped her in his arms, angling his head to follow the words on the letter as Emma read aloud.

 _'Mum and Dad,'_ Emma began, forcing her voice to remain steady. _'Please don't blame yourselves. I had to learn the hard way that heroes don't always win, but that doesn't mean either of you failed me or our family. We were betrayed. You did everything you could. I know what's going to happen to me, but I can fix this. We can still save everyone.'_

She paused, leaning her head to Killian's shoulder. His kissed her forehead, but Emma could feel his heart racing in his chest. Hers probably was too, but all she could focus on was the image of her son dying in her arms. Their son, really. They'd come a very long way since the journey up the beanstalk behind them.

'Go on,' Killian encouraged.

'Uh...' Emma cleared her throat, checking it still worked. _'I've sent you back to the start. You'll remember everything, even the little stuff most people forget over time. You need to remember. I worked out what you have to change, but go with what your gut tells you. It's never wrong.'_

Emma shook her head, turning to bury her face against Killian's chest. She couldn't get through it. These were her son's dying wishes; his final act and words. He was still just a boy.

 _'The first change is probably obvious: don't leave Dad at the giant's castle.'_ Killian read, gently taking the letter from her. 'Aye, love. Let's skip that bad form this time around.' He nodded, voice wavering at the title Henry gave him but never had the chance to actually say.

'I'm sorry.' Emma sighed. 'I didn't want to, just...'

'You were afraid.' Killian kissed her forehead. 'I know, love.'

Emma felt their connection even then - when they first met. It terrified her and that fear defeated her back then. It continued to for years, but she could fix the damage caused by that now.

She knew there were worst things than being afraid.

'Keep reading.'

'As you wish,' he said. _'The second change will be harder: you need to help Grandma Cora._ Bloody hell.'

'I'm assuming Henry didn't say "bloody hell".' Emma leaned back, rolling eyes at her pirate. 'Why Cora? She's after the compass right now – I'm not just giving it to her.'

'He says...' Killian searched the page for where he left off. _'She'll find a way to Storybrooke without Dad._ Hey! I'd like to think I-'

'Killian,' Emma grumbled. 'Stop commentating. Just read what it says. We don't exactly have a lot of time here.' She glanced at the giant doorway of the castle further ahead, beyond the bones and crumbled stone.

'Sorry, love.' He frowned. _'If Dad doesn't poison Grandpa Rumpelstiltskin, then Grandma Snow won't kill Grandma Cora._ Bloody hell, I'm glad I don't have grandparents.'

Emma snatched the letter back.

 _'Get Grandma Cora's heart back, and tell Mum about Aunt Zelena. You can help them, and then they can help us. I believe there is good in them._ Oh, Henry...' Emma sighed, tears forming despite her resistance. _'The biggest change is my dad, Neal. He can't be my dad. You have to lie to me. Tell me he knew you were pregnant and didn't want me_...No.'

'Swan?'

'I can't do that.' Emma shook her head furiously. 'Neal...He loves Henry. Oh my God, he's still alive!' she gasped.

 _'You know what happened and how I die. You have to start with Neal, Mum. He'll understand; I made sure of it,'_ Killian continued, cold eyes betraying his own emotional barriers. _'When you get back to Storybrooke, tell me the truth about how you went to jail. Turn me against him. It's the only way any of this can work. It's okay, I'll still have_...Me?'

'This is insane.' Emma stepped away from him. 'Henry got mad at me for exactly that – lying to him about his dad! This is much worse.'

'There's more.' Killian kept his gaze on the letter. _'When the past catches up to the present, I'll remember why you lied. I'll know what happened and why you had to do it. My biological father can't be a part of our family or the plan won't work. But he has to come to Storybrooke when Grandpa goes to find him. You know why.'_

'Okay.' Emma nodded, accepting that Henry would remember later. She hated it and didn't want to betray Neal's chance to know his son, but Henry's life was at stake and she'd do anything to save him. Anything. 'What else?'

 _'Greg and Tamara still have to kidnap me so we go to Neverland. You can't let Grandpa Rumpelstiltskin kill Pan, but the curse must be undone. Killian can come with us to New York – don't worry about the memory thing. Just make sure to tell Grandpa David to help Ariel when they're back in the Enchanted Forest.'_ Killian sighed.

Emma looked back to the castle, more motivated to proceed to the compass than finish the rest of Henry's letter. She didn't want a list of main goals because experience taught her such plans usually went completely different than intended.

 _'Keep me away from my father. Use the knowledge of what's coming to fix things, just make sure you help Grandma Cora and Aunt Zelena – that will save our Family.'_ Killian reached the bottom of the letter. _'Love each other. Get married. Be happy. This is your chance to be the heroes I know you can be and have been. I believe our family's love is stronger than all the darkness of the world. Thank you for giving me hope. I love you so much – Henry.'_

Emma sat on a large piece of broken stone, weighed down by her son's letter and the truth of just how big their job was going to be – and how long it was going to take to complete.

 _'P.S,'_ Killian added. _'You can't tell anyone about this, except Mum. Give her back the hope she took from us.'_

Emma snatched the letter from his hand, and folded it small enough to shove into her deepest pocket as if erasing the message from existence. It was too much to handle right now.

Exhaling, she focused her attention to the castle looming impossibly high overhead. First, they needed the compass. Then, they could go home – to eleven-year-old Henry who was still very much alive. Emma didn't care who she had to hurt or help to make sure she never had to watch her son die in her arms ever again.

As for the person who killed him...Well, there was no instruction about that in the letter. Emma would have to improvise.

* * *

 _Review?_


	2. Do We Even Have a Plan?

_I am absolutely blown away by the response to the first chapter. I can't even put into words how awesome you all are._

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Do We Even Have a Plan?**

'Do we really need the compass?' Emma glanced up at the enormous castle. 'You and Cora managed without it.'

'Not exactly.' Killian checked the contents of his bag. 'It was a far sail from easy.'

'Yeah, but you did it.' She shrugged.

'Aye.' He smirked, offering her the small sack of poppy powder. 'I'm a hell of a captain.'

They moved around the huge skeletons, and Emma took a moment to remember those were members of Anton's family. One of the humans responsible for the battle that took place there was her uncle. Foreknowledge and understanding weren't always helpful – sometimes, it's just sad.

'Your hand was cut.' Killian stopped.

'Right...' Emma looked down at the undamaged skin of her left palm. 'Giant's can smell blood, or something?'

Killian pat himself down, grinning when he located his flask of rum. Remembering the conversation about Milah, Emma clutched the bag of powder and headed forward to the castle. His hook grasped her wrist, gently pulling her back.

'What's the plan?' Killian asked, eyes focused on the overgrown building behind her.

'I don't know. I guess we...' Emma tilted her head, taking in his appearance. It had been a long time since she'd seen him fully-clothed in his pirate leather, but it was his face that gave her pause. His expression was darker and lines harsher – when had that changed?

'I know – still devilishly handsome.' Killian smirked.

'No, you look...' She tried to find the word. 'Different.'

'Well, it was...It's four years ago.'

'Says the 300-year-old pirate,' Emma teased.

She didn't ask if she looked different too, as Emma wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer. It wasn't a matter of age, as four years wasn't a lot, but they weren't the same people on that beanstalk as they were now. Or would be; the altered tense was going to get annoying.

Experiences changed them over time, as experiences so often did, but Emma hadn't realised how much until faced with the past itself. She and Killian both learned to have hope and open themselves to the possibility of happiness, something which was once foreign to them. It was a gradual process, but Emma never really noticed there were physical aspects to their journey as well. It was interesting, yet a bit worrisome – would they have to revert for the sake of keeping appearances around others?

'We have the powder,' Killian said, avoiding her eyes as he indicated to the sack. 'Should we knock Anton out again?'

'We could try talking to him.' Emma shook her head, wishing to shake loose the creeping unease she felt inside. It was difficult to grasp how complex their job was going to be; there were so many things to keep track of. She could still hardly believe they really were back at the top of that beanstalk.

'Talk to him?' Killian raised an eyebrow. 'I'm fairly certain he'd rather grind our bones than sit down for a chat.'

'He did before.' Emma gripped the sack of powder, contemplating. Her mother's optimism had certainly rubbed off on her over the years.

Killian watched her with the confused little frown Emma loved, and sighed. He didn't even need to say it. She gripped the sack, and wished foreknowledge made things easier; they were there to change big events, not small ones. Using the same tactics as the first time, they worked together to put Anton to sleep.

Emma almost missed the quips about their teamwork.

It nagged Emma how much she remembered. If they changed the events, shouldn't the original ones be erased? Either Henry had accounted for that too or her understanding of time travel was even less than she thought it was.

'Sorry, Anton,' she said, passing the slumbering giant.

Killian walked ahead of her through towering corridors of stone, finding the treasure room faster than before. When he suddenly changed direction, Emma turned to grumble at the sight of him sniffing gold coins.

'Seriously?' She rolled her eyes.

'I'm still a pirate, love.' He grinned, pocketing a handful. 'And, as I recall, you're the one who gets the compass. Where?'

'Anton has it.' Emma winced. Did she have time to go back and get it before the powder wore off? Probably not.

Kicking a pile of coins in frustration, Emma concentrated on the order of events until they became clearer. Her memories didn't quite feel like memories.

'We need to get him under that.' Emma pointed to the wooden trap suspended above. She was still unsure how it was supposed to be effective at trapping a human. 'Then we can talk to Anton. I need to spare his life to prove we're not like the humans that killed his family. Then he'll give us the compass – or a way out.'

'Ideally, both.' Killian nodded. He saw the tripwire and smiled. 'No need for excuses now.'

'Yeah, we can hug it out later.' She shook her head, searching for something to help them lure Anton to the right spot. They couldn't rely on natural timing; each altered footstep and sentence could change the order of every action or reaction that followed.

'What of your magic?'

'Oh. Right.' Emma scoffed at herself, raising her hands to try levitating a golden goblet. Her hands warmed and glowed, then the goblet shot to the left.

Killian barely ducked in time.

'I assume I haven't done anything to offend you...' He raised an eyebrow at the object scattering several piles of coins ten feet away.

'I didn't even know I had magic then – uh, now. Whatever.' She shook her hands, but nothing happened. 'Feels like I have to charge it. Not very reliable.'

The thundering footsteps shuddered the ground at their feet. Emma turned to Jack's body and sword, both lying near the tripwire so conveniently close. Henry told her to follow her instincts, and in that moment Emma knew they'd have to risk trying recreate the original event.

Anton's yelling reached them before he did. Killian warily kept an eye on the ceiling. Emma moved quickly, snatching the sword to ready herself by the tripwire. The giant saw them; Emma kept her gaze on the trap above, praying Anton was too angry to figure it out. He charged forward and she sprung to action - snapping the wire with the sword's blade, just as Killian leapt away to avoid the path of falling rocks.

'Nicely done,' Killian praised, straightening.

He walked forward to make eye contact with Anton, eyebrow raised as he examined the fallen trap. While Emma knew Killian held no will-wishing towards their would-be friend, the harshness of his appearance hid it well.

'Hey, Anton.' She joined them.

'How do you know my name?' the giant growled.

He was angry, but Emma saw beyond it to the man who helped the dwarfs grow a new crop of magic beans. Anton had endured a lot of pain, but regained hope and learned forgiveness. He'd become their friend, and it all began with the conversation they were about to share. Emma really hoped his original future was still going to happen, but she didn't have time to worry.

'Easy there.' Killian took a step back.

Emma saw him reach for the hilt of his sword, out of habit, and frown at its absence. She touched her own hip and sighed; they didn't have those swords yet.

Anton shifted, and Emma instinctively moved her stolen weapon forward. He needed to stay still long enough for her to convince him to help them. He didn't deserve being threatened with the poison-laced blade that helped kill his family, and Emma hated having to put him through it.

'Just do it.' Anton stopped resisting. 'I know you want to.'

'You're wrong. I know you think all humans are evil, but we're not.' Emma lowered the sword enough to emphasise her words. 'You have a compass; that's what we came here for. We don't want to hurt you.'

'I don't believe you.' Anton glared. 'You're all the same.'

'You don't know us.' Emma frowned.

The touch of Killian's hand to her elbow reminded her to stay calm. Not even the current situation could fade the image of Henry dying in her arms. It would be easier to just take the compass, but she had to do this right. Saving her son was all that mattered to Emma, but there was a lot more at sake than just one boy's life.

'The humans you met a long time ago were greedy and selfish. They'd do anything to steal the the beans and gold,' she explained. 'We don't even care about the treasure.' She ignored the scoff from the pirate to her left.

Looking at Jack's skeleton, Emma tried not to picture it. James had caused the battle that cost Anton his family. She was related to someone who'd created so much pain for such petty reasons. It made her sick.

'We're just here for the compass,' Emma repeated.

'And that useless bean around your neck,' Killian added, indicating with his hook. 'For sentimental reasons, you understand.'

'Why should I give them to you?' Anton's anger faltered. 'You'll kill me either way.'

'No, we won't.' Emma lowered her sword to the ground and hoped it was the right thing to do. 'We just want to go home to our family. Our son needs us.'

It was the truth, but she'd never referred to Henry like that before. It felt strange yet comforting, to openly acknowledge Killian as her other parenting half. She met his eyes and smiled at the emotion flooding his blue gaze. The harshness faded behind the impact her declaration and acceptance had on him.

Her words meant more to Killian than even Emma could understand.

~ x ~

It wasn't until they were more than halfway down the beanstalk that Emma realised they should be coming up with a plan. Killian had the bean the giant kept, which could be used for their portal rather than wasting time stealing the wardrobe ashes from Cora. Henry's letter insisted Cora still had to go to Storybrooke, but that didn't put Emma in a charitable mood.

Her primary concern was getting home to her son.

'Killian.' Emma winced, as another time-pressing matter came to mind. 'There's one other thing. Mulan – I told her to cut the beanstalk if I'm not back in ten hours.'

'Bloody lovely,' he grumbled, quickening his climbing pace. 'Why?'

'I had to,' she explained. 'If I died up there, Cora could still get the compass. I couldn't risk it. Not with Henry.'

'Of course. A little more warning would have been nice. I definitely used to be better at this.' Killian hooked a smaller vine. 'You any idea how hard it is doing this one-handed?'

'You weren't supposed to be with me.'

'So you planned to abandon me up there from the start?' His words were strained from trying to conceal the hurt from his voice, but Emma heard it. 'And chop down my way back?'

'No,' she admitted. 'I don't know. Can we just hurry-'

A pulsing tremor shot up the beanstalk, almost causing both of them to lose their grip. Wasting no further time with words, they half-climbed and half-slipped their way down until it was just safe enough to jump.

'...You do not put my daughter in danger!'

Emma heard Snow yelling, as she released a vine and let gravity do the rest. She misjudged her footing, worse than last time, and tumbled against Killian. They landed roughly, sprawled out on the ground. He absorbed most of the impact, groaning as she quickly rolled off him.

'Sorry.' Emma held her hand, which he accepted and used to pull himself up. 'Nothing broken?' she teased.

'That depends,' he retorted, groaning again. 'Does hurt pride count?'

'Emma!' Snow ran over. 'Are you okay?'

Skipping conversation, Emma showed Mulan the compass and braced herself. Killian wandered away to give them space, but Emma didn't miss the way he watched her mother – who completely ignored him.

'You told her to cut it down?' Snow was angry, though she tried not to be.

Emma recognised the hurt in her mother's eyes this time, and understand it better than she could have all those years ago. She wondered why they had to start at the beanstalk. Snow's reaction solidified Emma's silent vow to prevent as much future sadness and disappointment from her parents as she possibly could.

'I know, we go back together.' Emma pulled her mother into a tight hug. 'I'm sorry, Mum.'

'Oh.' Snow froze for a moment, then returned the embrace. 'G-good.'

Emma knew it had taken her longer to become comfortable with having parents and people to worry about her, but she wasn't going to put them through it again. When she and Killian had fallen into Zelena's time portal, Emma learned exactly how it felt to be transparent to the ones she loved.

Even now, the hug still wasn't quite the same.

'Are you sure you're okay?' Snow leaned back to look at her, brushing hair from Emma's face.

'I will be.' Emma thought of Henry. 'And there's a change in the plan; we don't need the ashes.'

Just a day ago, Emma had been playing with her little brother while her parents laughed in the kitchen of her home. They'd had a big family dinner, then Henry and Killian went outside to continue practising sword-fighting with sticks. She already missed it. Emma held onto the memory - it was the last time they'd all been together and happy. She intended to build that family again, and bypass all the fears she'd had back when the curse broke. They were justified then, but she had since moved on.

This time would be different.

'I know where the lake is,' Mulan said, as Killian explained the plan to use the bean instead of ashes. 'But why make the portal in the ocean when the lake would be faster?'

'My ship.' Killian glanced at Emma. 'It'll sail us home.' He hadn't mentioned that part of the plan to her, but she didn't argue. She wouldn't have left her yellow bug behind, and his adoration of the Jolly Roger was something she'd grown to share.

'Your pirate ship?' Snow frowned. 'Do we really have time for that?'

'We have until nightfall.' Killian stared at his boots. 'Cora won't find out I've betrayed her until then.'

'That's still a lot of ground to cover.' Mulan frowned.

'Then we better get going,' Emma said firmly.

The others turned to her and nodded, walking ahead through the forest. Emma lingered back to talk with Killian.

'Hey.' Emma touched his wrist. 'It'll get better.' She followed his gaze to Snow, who peered over her shoulder to give them a suspicious glance. Snow quickly turned to strike up conversation with Aurora, giving Emma and Killian privacy.

In one week, they'd have been married. Snow would have officially been his mother-in-law, though she'd been motherly towards Killian before they'd ever gotten engaged. Even David had come around with such warmth and acceptance. They were as much Killian's family as they were Emma's. Back in the past, she had the advantage of a fresh start - all he got was a glare of distrust.

'I know.' He tried to be nonchalant. 'We need a plan. Are you able to poof over to the lake and back?'

'I don't know.' Emma kept close to his side. 'Wait, "poof", really?'

'Not really sure of the correct terminology there, love.' He chuckled.

'Yeah, me neither.'

Emma reminded herself she couldn't hold his hand. They were already walking too close to each other while sharing familiarity; there was a secret to be kept, and it was dangerous to jeopardise it. They rarely planned things out anymore, as something always knocked them in an entirely different direction. This time, they really needed a strategy - there was too much at sake, and so many layers to every moment between the beanstalk and storm.

'Plan, love?' Killian nudged her, lowering his voice. 'What happened next?'

'We took a break at night and got attacked by heartless zombies.' Emma frowned, picturing the events in her mind. 'They're right; we'd be cutting it too close for time. Regina and Rumpelstiltskin did something to our way home...'

They fell quiet, as Emma considered the situation and how carefully they're going to have to time everything. She glanced at Killian for reassurance she wasn't the only one whose mind was going in circles.

'Too bad we need to keep Cora alive.' Killian glanced around the trees. 'I can leave my ship-'

'No.' Emma stopped, touching a hand to his brace. 'We can do this, like we always do. I don't care what it takes. Tell me exactly how you and Cora found Storybrooke, and we'll figure it out. I'll make my magic work, somehow. We haven't lost yet.' She hated making time-sensitive decisions, but she believed in them almost as much as Henry had.

'Aye.' He smiled. 'That we haven't.'

* * *

 _Are there any other episodes/scenes (with Emma) that you'd like me to touch on before they create the portal or would you rather I skipped ahead to that part?_


End file.
